Sunday chat with James

This weekend had ups and downs for me. Great fun with my girlfriend and periods of reflection....but in the middle of a low came a little bit of therapy from an unexpected place. On the dating site amidst mostly men who are only out for one thing or to play a quick game of messing with your mind, I have found very few who stand behind what they say or who really stand for anything. I will say that I have been fortunate to have a couple good experiences with really good men, just not the right men for me. When I start talking with someone I am almost always skeptical, initially believing that they are about to lay out an essay of lies. It sounds horrible but sadly it's the truth. This morning I started talking to a guy named James. As per usual, I got into game mode ready with any come back for anything he had to say. His profile said he was just looking for friends....yeah right...who is just looking for friends? We started with small talk, witty banter, and a teensy bit of intellect thrown in. We chatted online for 2 and a half hours and then he asked if we could talk on the phone. I said sure. On the phone the conversation was just as easy. We laughed a ton. I told him that he shouldn't have any trouble meeting someone when he changes his status from friends. He said he wasn't ready and I asked why......he got super quiet, did the guy clearing of the throat thing and I could hear a little shake in his voice. He got married to his high school sweetheart when they were 19, the love of his life he said. Four of the best kids in the world and a life that made him thankful every single day to be alive. He kept the two oldest and his wife took the two youngest to see her sister. On their way home, there was accident and all of them died. Oh my gosh, I kept it together....told him how sorry I was for his loss....and then he said "That's why I'm not ready yet, it wasn't supposed go like this." We talked about how life takes you on this completely unexpected road, when the only thing you want is the known path and how you constantly adjust your mind for the new changes. I'm emotional today and I hate that because Sundays are usually my favorite day. I was having a hard time not losing it during our chat....and then he said the one thing that I always say. "How do you create a new forever.....she was my forever." Oh heck, I started bawling like a baby, he was crying too. It was the saddest thing and also the most comforting thing at the same time. Another person feeling the exact same way. I told him I don't know....told him that I have a hard time seeing forever with anyone, all of them leave at some point, why plan for the future? He said it breaks his heart that someone so sweet and compassionate would feel like everyone will leave her. We talked about other stuff and going for coffee and Fish Creek park and how he's never been to the zoo. He said he feels like the pain won't ever leave and I told him that I remember that feeling. He asked what I did to get through it and I told him...."Do what you can today, and then tomorrow, wake up and do that again, over and over and over again." The pain gets to be less, the hurt softens and you change, you learn to adapt and most days are fantastic and in the midst of it there are really hard days, but you just keep doing it. We ended the conversation on a high note....talking about the summer and plans. Both of us thanked the other for being a friend on one of the low days. That conversation gave me perspective on a day when I really needed it from a neutral source. All of us are broken in little ways, all of us stomp in our own puddles but listening to him talk about the way he loved her, still loves her....it was so precious....to hear him be so raw and fragile in describing how he feels. Mostly he gave me the best reminder....Love your people....cherish the moments, choose the hill your gonna die on, don't take any of it for granted because it can all change in the fraction of a second. I need to remember that. Someday I'll do forever with someone.....when I'm ready for it....but for now, I'll be so thankful for sweet little moments like today, where a man reminded me that we are all trying to figure our way through some of the toughest hurts of our life. Thank you James for spending your Sunday with this girl. :)