Sunday, December 11, 2011

How much is enough??

Have you ever had someone make choices that made it seem as though they were legitimately attempting to break your spirit? Have you ever had someone spew words at you that were so cutting and so humiliating, that it would have seemed more kind and painless had they just spit in your face? Have you ever had someone take you from the place of being so valuable in their life and then throwing you away as though you were nothing more than trash? Have you felt the sting of what it feels like to have someone look at you, but have it feel as though they aren't seeing you at all? Do you know what it feels like to have someone treat you as though you aren't even a human being with real feelings? Have you ever laid in bed at night and wondered how it could be that someone could claim to love you so much in one breath....and then rip you to shreds in the next? Have you thought about how lonely your life would be, if everyone judged every choice you make? Have you lived that lowest moment, where the rejection runs so incredibly deep, that drowning seems certain? I always thought that I surrounded myself with amazing women. Women who were strong and independent and confident and brave. Women whose strengths far outnumbered their weaknesses. Women who loved me despite it all. Women who would walk all the way through anything with me and carry some of the load if they had to. Women who would always have my back and whose faith in me would never waiver. Women who would tirelessly reassure me that I am good enough and smart enough. Women who understood what it means to be a woman and how hard that road can be sometimes. I intentionally avoided women who were calculating and cruel and spiteful and bitter. I tried to stay away from the ones who were bitchy and catty. I have never ever been more disappointed than I am now. To come to the realization that some of these women that I held in such high regard, could be so thoughtless and careless with their tongues and their actions. It is one thing to have an opinion and stand behind that...I applaud that....because everyone is entitled to feel the way they is entirely something different, to behave in a way that causes someone public humiliation and further hurt when they are already carrying so much. To make choices that are so completely intentional leaving that other person stripped of all pride and completely broken is what I believe to be the cruelest act that one person could display towards another....I have lived the moment where I felt completely stripped of all that I was by someone who was supposed to love is an unbearable moment to walk through.... All that stuff up there....those questions....I've felt all that....and lived all of that....and I would never ever wish that on a stranger....let alone someone that I called a friend. The complete and utter disregard for the fact that the cruelty being displayed is hitting a real person on the other end is completely shocking to me. When someone shows you who they are.....believe them....and now I do...... Don't send me a message asking if this is about know if it's about you....I really have nothing more to say....other than the fact that those who live in glass houses should try to remember that no glass house is shatter proof.