Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Don't wait to say it....

A boy that Colby had Drama with at school committed suicide over the weekend. As I read the things that his mother wrote on their message board I sobbed. I can't imagine that kind of pain....losing your child.....I can imagine the desperate feeling of wanting to rewind time would seem to be more than I could handle.

Colby and I talked a lot that afternoon about life and coping with life. I told him that I would always want him to know that there is nothing that he could do or say....ever....that would diminish how much I love him. I wanted him to know that I would die for him, that my love stretched that far. I wanted him to know that everyone makes mistakes and suffers disappointments but you can get through anything if you have faith that you can. I made sure he knew that we all have dark days where it seems that we are being sucked into a black pit of sadness or despair but eventually the clouds part, the darkness lifts, and the warmth of the sun reminds you that it's a new day.

I tell my kids and my husband I love them....a lot....I say it anywhere, anytime, everyday. I never want to assume that I'll get another chance.

Please take the time to talk to your kids about life and where they are at and how they feel about stuff....make sure they know that you will help them through anything and that you will never ever take your love away from them as punishment. Hug them a little tighter so they feel it a little longer. Tell them that you are and will always be proud of them for the big things they do but also for the little things.

Don't let the little moments just pass you by....

We sat there for a while and sometimes the air was filled with words but for a little bit there was silence. I could tell he wanted to move on to other conversations...the moment was getting too emotional for him so I let him go hang out with his friends. He walked out the door to catch the bus and I watched him until I couldn't see him anymore...the tears had started streaming down the second I knew that he couldn't see me....Dear God it is so hard having a piece of your heart walking around out there...

To Jesse's family I want to say....our thoughts are with you and your family deal with your loss. The words of so many should show you that you raised a wonderful young man who touched so many people.

Dear God, please keep me breathing,
Through this my deepest sorrow,
For I know that he was not mine to keep,
But only ours to borrow.

The days seemed much too short,
But the memories overflow,
Could you tell him that we miss him,
Dear God, we love him so.

We know we can’t sit in yesterday,
There are things you can’t undo,
And walking in this darkness,
We know our faith will see us through.

Soon I’ll draw on moments,
That I wished would never pass,
And I’ll sit there with him in my mind,
Soak in all the goodness that he had.

I’ll wrap my arms around all the things,
That made me want to be like him,
Those things will light my way on days,
When my world seems a little dim.

By your grace I know I’ll smile again,
Your devotion will lift me from my sorrow,
And for all my days I’ll live so grateful,
That you sent him for us to borrow.

Copyright 2009 Lanie Fillion

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

This is What Love Looks Like......

My grandparents are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary....yet when you watch them sometimes, it's like they are seeing each other with fresh eyes....that spark is still there even after all these years.....and I love watching their interaction with each other....that little way that they can have a whole conversation while saying nothing at all. That skill that some married people have where the look on your face can say "I'm so in love with you," or "Get me outta here," or "You're in big trouble when we get home mister." I for one do possess that skill but it definitely took practice.

I hope that my grandparents always know that the lessons that their children and grandchildren have taken from them along the way are more valuable than anything. I have seen them nurse some pretty deep wounds and still find their way to the other side. I have been able to glean from them the knowledge that life isn't always easy, God's design for us indicates that there are a few tough roads ahead but if you can walk those roads with grace and courage and devotion then wherever the end leads you, you'll be better than you were. I have seen the worst and the best in people but I think that grandma and grandpa choose to see the best. Someday when I'm a for real grown up, I hope that I can make that same choice.

They inspire all of us to be more and do more in our own shine ourselves in the best possible light for our spouses and to always keep moving forward. They have created big shoes for all us to fill and I know that all of us are so proud of them and the fact that they are the head of our family.

Happy Anniversary Grandma and Grandpa. We love you.

Just for a moment I watch their eyes, as they are watching each other,

On the notebook of their hearts we know, there has never been another.

How many times she has been his music, when he couldn’t hear the beat.

Never has his hand been unsteady, when her body felt defeat.

Needing her to be his strength, when the road seemed too hard to bare,

Yet faithfully he is her wind, when her sails seem to tear.

And I smile as I watch them, their love so pure and strong,

Now twenty one thousand six hundred days doesn’t seem quite so long.

Does love like this just fall upon us, or do we build and watch it grow?

Choose to love the one you’re with, for you’ll reap all that you sow.

Over the years their faith in God and each other never seemed to waiver,

Once in a lifetime, a love like this, a promise for us to savor.

Kindred spirits, a shining example of what we all hope to grow to be,

I pray for that same kind of love to always live in me.

Everyday they remind us to give your very best to each other,
And by God’s grace and devoted love, there will never be another.

Copyright Lanie Fillion

AKA The Eldest and Favorite but as if that even needed to be said out loud....we all know the truth.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ya know what is not my favorite??

That line up there starting this post was supposed to say Ya Know what I hate but I tell the kids that they aren't allowed to say hate so I have to set a good example.

I need to vent....

Yesterday I was almost in a wreck...okay before I start I should just do a quicky disclaimer..

Disclaimer: This post is purely based on my own opinion and it should be strongly noted that I love my grandparents and other grandparents dearly. Don't be offended.

Okay so people over like 70ish shouldn't be allowed to have a license. Ask me yet again I saw my life flash before my eyes due to an elderly person behind the wheel. If I was the traffic safety...uhmmm....diplomat or whatever that person is called...these are three rules I would add to the list of road rules.

1. If you are over the age of 70 and can't push the gas hard enough to reach a required miles per hour....hand over your license.

2. If you have to look through the steering wheel to see out the front window as opposed to looking over it....hand over your license.

3. If your blind spot encompasses the entire area around your vehicle....hand over your license.

Number 2 in crucial in my mind. On two separate occasions I have been driving behind a vehicle and as I pulled up along side glanced over and then did a double take to see this little teeny tiny pocket size senior citizen behind the wheel with her hands precisely at 10 and 2 as she peered through the steering wheel to see out the windshield...seriously?? I did wonder if her children know she still drives....and how could they possibly rest easy with that knowledge. I know this sounds harsh but if you get to the age where you can't remember how to get back to the house you've lived in since the dawn of time, how can you possibly remember and be able to react quickly to traffic safety issues.

On an up note the little woman behind the vehicle nodded and smiled as she almost pushed me into the cement barrier between the lanes....oh and she waved....let's not do that though....hands on 10 and 2 at all times please.

K so done now....I feel so much better more thing....must people take the saying pedestrians have the right of way so literal?? If you feel the heat off my bumper because you opted to head out into oncoming traffic without regard for how close I was to you is that really my fault?? I think not....pffft.

Happy Wednesday all....which BTW is my least favorite day of the week in case you care.

I'm off to do something with the ghetto yard so that the neighbors don't think we are bringing down house values in our area.