Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Forward Ever.....Backward Never.....

The title up there seems so easy...four simple little words but yet I feel as though I have spent the better part of this past year looking backwards. At least I'm not left with the feeling that it was time wasted...I did learn a lot, about myself and other people. Moving into a new decade, some steps I take will seem so timid and tender, only because I know that I have to be careful with my emotions so that I don't end up taking an unwanted roller coaster ride. Other steps I take will be spirited, certain and intentional because I will know that I can handle the outcome.

I feel like I spent a ton of time living in "the early days"...reminiscing about the kids being babies and the funny things they did, reflecting on the early years of marriage and sitting so proud of ourselves at how far we've come, recalling my own life and crying a ton over all the peaks and valleys that I have personally experienced. I feel like I have dreamed a thousand dreams about how simple my life would be if it weren't for the things still waiting to be worries here though...God's timing is perfect timing and I can be patient.

I face the prospect that my baby boy will leave home this year and even as I type this, the lump in my throat is blocking my ability to breath. Jason and I talk a lot about finishing things off together when the kids are gone....but these days it seems as though the years passed in a blink and Colby has always seemed fearless in his anticipation of making his own way in the world so I have known for a long time that this child would not be the one who would sponge off of his parents until he was 26. I hope he stays for a little while longer but if he needs to go...then I'll just let him go.

My husband saw lots of changes career wise as he began to move his job in too many different directions to keep track of. Truthfully though I've never seen him so excited about the future as he has been this past year and he learned a ton of things that he really needed to learn this year....mostly about other people.

I brought the kids home to be home schooled once again after so much anticipation at the thought of having my own life again but it really was a decision that held no other options and they are doing great this year.

We experienced loss this year twice more than we anticipated although it did help us linger in the blessing of coming back to what is important.

I made new friends, brought old friends in closer to me and let some relationships go. The list of personal growth endeavors that I have taken on would far exceed a worthy read and also far exceed my comfort zone to share them right now but I feel like I am becoming more and more like who I think I am inside though there is still so much work to be done.

I can't say that I will be sad to see this past year go. In fact I'm actually elated to blow a kiss to 2009 and send it packing....

The year ahead holds so many unknowns for all of us. Some of us are moving to the other side of the world and we are so proud of the work they are doing. Some of us will welcome new additions to their families and I will be so happy for them(uhmmm as I say thank God it ain't me) I'm excited to see where this year leads, blessed to know that I have him standing beside me, and proud to know that I'm doing okay...that we're doing isn't perfect, but seriously, if you have perfection then there isn't anything to strive for and what fun is that.

Happy New Year all!! Be safe and be blessed!