The rain just keeps coming.....

I think I have cried more in the last 6 weeks than ever before in my life. I have questioned God and yes even screamed out at him at times. I'm a good girl and yet here I sit wondering what earned me the privilege of sitting in this place.

I miss my life...my simple, sometimes predictable, fun loving, light hearted, always blessed life. I miss knowing where I'm going and what I'm doing. I miss knowing myself and admiring her in so many ways. I miss feeling like I had come so far and made so much progress in personal growth.

I loathe this season in my life....I dream about making it to the other side of this and looking back and knowing that it was really hard but so worth it because it made me better.

Some days I feel like Pigpen from Charlie Brown with the cloud of dirt following him only mine happens to be a dark black rain cloud that seems to favor hovering above my head only while letting the sun shine down on everyone else around me. The longer it goes, the harder it is to keep your eyes on the sky waiting for the clouds to part....but I will...because I have to....because even though having faith in God is sometimes hard for me...I have no choice...this road would be too hard without him and so I have to believe that he knows the design for my life and that what will be is his will.

For those who read this that also pray....if you could chuck me into the mix I'd sure be thankful...because I really need it right now. I sure hope that it's true....that in the valleys I grow.....because this is by far, the longest, deepest valley that I have ever found myself walking through.

Take care all and be so blessed today and everyday.