Don't wait to say it....

A boy that Colby had Drama with at school committed suicide over the weekend. As I read the things that his mother wrote on their message board I sobbed. I can't imagine that kind of pain....losing your child.....I can imagine the desperate feeling of wanting to rewind time would seem to be more than I could handle.

Colby and I talked a lot that afternoon about life and coping with life. I told him that I would always want him to know that there is nothing that he could do or say....ever....that would diminish how much I love him. I wanted him to know that I would die for him, that my love stretched that far. I wanted him to know that everyone makes mistakes and suffers disappointments but you can get through anything if you have faith that you can. I made sure he knew that we all have dark days where it seems that we are being sucked into a black pit of sadness or despair but eventually the clouds part, the darkness lifts, and the warmth of the sun reminds you that it's a new day.

I tell my kids and my husband I love them....a lot....I say it anywhere, anytime, everyday. I never want to assume that I'll get another chance.

Please take the time to talk to your kids about life and where they are at and how they feel about stuff....make sure they know that you will help them through anything and that you will never ever take your love away from them as punishment. Hug them a little tighter so they feel it a little longer. Tell them that you are and will always be proud of them for the big things they do but also for the little things.

Don't let the little moments just pass you by....

We sat there for a while and sometimes the air was filled with words but for a little bit there was silence. I could tell he wanted to move on to other conversations...the moment was getting too emotional for him so I let him go hang out with his friends. He walked out the door to catch the bus and I watched him until I couldn't see him anymore...the tears had started streaming down the second I knew that he couldn't see me....Dear God it is so hard having a piece of your heart walking around out there...

To Jesse's family I want to say....our thoughts are with you and your family deal with your loss. The words of so many should show you that you raised a wonderful young man who touched so many people.

Dear God, please keep me breathing,
Through this my deepest sorrow,
For I know that he was not mine to keep,
But only ours to borrow.

The days seemed much too short,
But the memories overflow,
Could you tell him that we miss him,
Dear God, we love him so.

We know we can’t sit in yesterday,
There are things you can’t undo,
And walking in this darkness,
We know our faith will see us through.

Soon I’ll draw on moments,
That I wished would never pass,
And I’ll sit there with him in my mind,
Soak in all the goodness that he had.

I’ll wrap my arms around all the things,
That made me want to be like him,
Those things will light my way on days,
When my world seems a little dim.

By your grace I know I’ll smile again,
Your devotion will lift me from my sorrow,
And for all my days I’ll live so grateful,
That you sent him for us to borrow.





Copyright 2009 Lanie Fillion