Thursday, October 3, 2013

Other People's Words

This was a letter on my desk this morning.

Lanie,(He misspelled it...but I had to correct it cuz that would annoy me...also *Quicky Disclaimer: The F bomb is used in this post one time...sorry grandma :)

I want to say thank you. In a weird way you helped me without even knowing you did that. Me and my wife have been together for 13 years. It's feels like a long time. Feels like we are a partnership taking care of the kids. Life is passing and we are in it to the end. I would come in once a month or so, sometimes more and you would talk to me. The way you talk to people is different. It was nice. It made me feel like someone cared about my day to day shit. I know your job is to be nice, but it didn't feel like that. It felt like you really cared. I found myself finding reasons to stop by, just to talk to you or see your smile. Don't panic, I'm not going to stalk you lol. I think that I did start thinking about you too often. I did start to wish I was married to someone else, someone more passionate about life. Someone who laughed and smiled even though life isn't great sometimes. Someone like you. It's shitty to think like that. But it's the truth. I started to be attracted to you. That makes me feel like an asshole. I did start thinking that I was going to leave her, not for you lol but to have a different life.

But you did something and said something that helped me. I saw you out with friends. Fuck this sounds like a stalker. lol. I watched you guys. I was with my wife and other buddies. I watched you and your friend dancing and laughing. But I also watched you with your boyfriend. I wanted her to look at me like how you look at him. I was jealous. Does too many years make you stop looking at each other like you matter? I was a asshole to her the rest of the weekend while I thought about what you were doing. Pretty sure that sounds creepy but I was mad. Here I was spending my days off with Miss Attitude and you were probably having a great weekend. Monday morning I called the office and we talked for a couple minutes and then Tuesday I came in. That's when you said something that made me want to change my mind. Instead of talking about me, we talked about you. I asked you if the new relationship was exciting or if you were getting bored yet and you said it felt settled but still exciting. But that's a choice. You said the best thing a person can do, is BE how you want the relationship to look and hope that the other person wants that too. Here I was whining about how my wife doesn't like to kiss me and doesn't like to give massages and doesn't like to go out and have fun but you reminded me that sometimes you have to be that way to the other person even when they aren't that way to you. You asked me if I talked to her about how I was feeling and I said no and you said you should do that. You bitched at me about other things in there and then asked me, How can she fix it if she doesn't know about it? I went home that night with a case of beer. I brought some cheezies because she likes those and the beer. We sat down and talked for about 2 hours. Both of us had complaints. She wanted to end things too sometimes. She missed how fun I used to be. She missed how romantic I was before the kids. She said she cries a lot because I don't leave her love notes like I used to. She thinks I'm not attracted to her and she wants me to cook for her sometimes. She said it doesn't matter if I don't know how to give a massage, I could try. I told about all the stuff I was feeling and thinking. She was mad. I shouldn't have started off talking about you. Don't worry, she doesn't know where you work lol. But after awhile it felt like we could change things. We're both going to try harder. I think I have you to thank for that. I don't know if it will work, we both have to want things better right? But I think it's worth it.

Thanks for saying things I needed to hear even though some of it pissed me off. You should be a shrink.

Take care.

I know who dropped this letter on my desk. I edited his grammar and spelling in this letter which was horrific :) After I read it a couple times, the stalker feeling I don't think he had bad intentions here...I think he was desperate for something that could save things for him. Gosh, I think it makes me a lil emotional that maybe I gave him that.....especially since I couldn't save some of my own stuff. I know how hard relationships are....long ones and new ones. People give up too easy and sometimes maybe we stay through far more than we should. But I like to look at that part as character building. That's when you get to see what you're really made of and how much you are capable of giving! :)

I have hope for them...hope they fight for it. If anyone out there is going through a phase where things feel mediocre...change it! Only you can do that...and it's totally worth it! :)

It's almost Friday so enjoy your weekend :)

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